Delicious, Destructive IGNORANCE can CRUSH you.

"If I'm a bad person, you don't like me. Well, I'll make my own way...

...You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me, then sentence me in another life!

...Ignorance is your new bestfriend!"

--Ignorance | Brand New Eyes | Paramore

I'm an ignorant. Morally responsible right? It's a voluntary act. POTEK THEOLOGY.

As the same old rotten tomato, PIGS CAN'T FLY! But atleast I try to imagine that they do! Why does such stinkin', lousy, good-for-nothing dodoes make such brainless, reckless, DAFT matters?! Who the hell knows?! Everyone is such a stranger from a world to another!!! I don't know who to point, who to judge, who to aim... Everything is so hard to say, explain, it's totally ABSTRUSE! If you know what I mean (which you don't of course).

Trying to IGNORE things of these, that and those are so freakin' EASY(high pitch EASY!)! It beomes a habit, it becomes a way of the cycle. Adopting snakes you don't usually notice, maybe annoying but IT FEELS DARN GOOD. Not the same, really not, but it's GOOD. I like to rock it, Hey! Why dontcha knock it? Ok, I confess there's always something in return of course. Don't think about if you don't wanna turn nuts. Fire balls come shooting after those snakes with big eyes bit your head. Then you'll come to love the bitter-sweet poison. The juicy poison. They tried to warn me, I tried to resist. But I can't. No one can elude from it.

No one gets it. You don't get it, I don't get it either. Maybe I just want to make it look easy. It's on the system already. A virus you can't destroy, but can destroy you. You can't just shut down some state-of-the-art nuclear apples of doom, can you? Again, of course not. Creatures, I personally think, earthlings should just be rational and considerate. No one should expect everyone to be good or bad. Living things are random! You won't even know a tree is a lion, or a pig is a walking stick! Fascinating, but so like WHATEVER.

I want to be alone with my lies, I want to live my own, My happiness, My sins, My prayer, My sanctuary, MY OWN. MINE! MINE! MINE!

I know when it's REALLY time to stop, I'm not stupid! I know myself better than YOU! Who are you anyway?! You think you're too smart, but HECK no! You're just one bloody shape-shifting, half-evil, TOMATO-HATER!!! Miss goodie-goodie, your internal organs are made out of plastic! I maybe the worst but I come in five colors! I want to elude from what you want from me. I don't like the way you think, it's creeping me out. I'm no you. You are EWW. Idon't wanna hear your songs. It's not music to my chocolate ears but noise! Pure noise! I'm not your doll. Ano ako Sims 3 character mo?!

Don't tell me you're not being ignorant just like me. So much in denial.

TSK. TSK. TSK...

It's good, But no, it's bad. I want to reap your head from your shoulders. I want you to be punished, I don't know why I thought of you dead. It's wrong, I don't like it. But it feels good thinking you are bleeding in front of me. Saying sorry. Admitting my authority. Seeing me like your mirror, crying.

OR....

....Can we treat ourselves as crabs?

Excuse me miss, do I know you?

Shoot? May say "What?!", "WTH is she even talking about?" You don't know? What kind of a reader are you?! Shame on you. Shame. Shame. Shame. Go back from where you came!

WTF World. I'm not a stranger. I'm just another rotten tomato like you.

Jeannine Rose Lim-Sioco | Shoko Hitomi

*Tantrums and Swings. Brain Rush. Hunger of Fury. Hatred of Jury. Disturbia much?! I-blog nalang kaysa makasira ulit ng appliance o maka-rip ng teddy head, PATHETIC.*

Life. WOW :| super.

i've been busy. Busy-busy-han. But no, really. I thought i got a very nice schedule. Second thought: "NOT really." :P

Nabo-boring-an ako sa life ko ngayon. Can't go out much with friends, then there comes the RAIN. In Espana, P. Noval & Dapitan, when there's rain, results to BAHA! Kamusta naman yun?! I always end up wet. I told you i hate rainy days. Nakakalungkot. Nakakagutom lalo. Nakakaantok. Nakakainis. >:(

I felt so lazy to do other things (besides eating of course). Feeling ko kasi super pagod sa school, lalo na paglalakad from Beato to Dapitan. Hello?! layoooo....!

ayun, these weeks, AH1N1/Swine Flu. Duh?! Di na USO! hahahaha! kaya, not so paranoid anymore. :D

Sophie year. pumepetix. HAHA! Can't believe i'm studying again... parang highschool ba...
*boring...!*
Natural Science, Christian Ethics, History of Arts... WTH. :O

another, CWTS (NSTP)... parang "What!? Pampagulo ng buhay, epal." Why do we have to take those anyway? We got no choice but to enroll to that subject or else we won't be able to graduate. Sheeezzzz! >:P

and then there's Ad Design... ang nakaka-TAEng subject. Promise. i'm freaking out every Tuesday and Thursday morning!!! (@_@)


But i'm TRYing to be more positive. Kaya yan. GO GO HITOMI! ;-)


SAD FACTOR: I can't come to Lady GaGa's concert! Ad Design Prelims nun e! :(( And c'mon, ang mahal ah! I think i'll regret that...

HAPPY FACTOR: Lee Min-ho's arrival. GU JUN PYO!!!!!!!!! Basta he has to come, 'pag hindi. Kill me. HAHAHA! O.A. Pero I really am waiting for, well, duh?!, HIM! Nagpapa-arrange na ko ng schedule. YAY! Buti nalang sa ABS-CBN. hahaha! :)) AUGUST, COME FASTER! DALI! hahaha!


Yun lang meron. :) Para lang may bagong blog post, ;-P


xoxo

i have a poser...AGAIN!!! *ugh!

http://profiles.friendster.com/75661939
(her url)
her name DAW is ashley, telling it's 100% her, but the photos are all ME!
ang kapal nalang ng mukha nia no, naka-private profile pa!
go to hell Ashley!


i dont really understand why these people take someone else's photos, telling
it's them. to think it wont get them anywhere, like if masabihan ba silang
maganda, of course i still get the praises, just through them!

HOW STUPID CAN POSERS GET!??

answer: WAY STUPID...than a dodo bird!

ugh! still they get on my nerves! 'cause they make no sense!!! im not even
a popular person! tanggap ko pa sana kung artista ako e, kaso HINDI!!!


you posers f*ck up and go to hell! i mean it! i really hate and disgust
you!
you're the most stupid kind of jerks here in the world! heck, in the entire
universe! you a**holes!


please do know i only have 1 account in friendster.

bwisit. kung ala naman akong poser, ako naman daw yung mukhang poser coz
of my photos na mukang galing google images! AMP. AMP. AMP.


DIE JERKS DIE!!!

The J9-Malfunction

...happy, sad, end, beginning, latte, teriyaki, french, powder, pizza, boys, youtube, poster paint, japanese, friends, mascara, sister, sneakers, music, doughnuts, twitter, lovelife, korean, jackets, high heels, facebook, lipsticks, sitcoms, sleeping marathon...


A, B, C, D, F, I, L , M, N, Q, P? 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, BANANA?
Is this some kind of malfunction?

There's so many random things i think about at the same time. Scatter-brained i admit. I want to have and reach(my wild imaginations) as far as i can. There's a lot to think about, there's so much to do. I personally don't do the 'first priority first' thing. It's not me, not my style, not the way i know myself. It doesn't work for me. I'm easily distracted, and i kinda hate that.


I don't even know what to write about, or what to begin with, but i want to do this. Well, it's been a while since my last post.


aaaa...
wait.




Ok, what am i thinking now? what do i want to do now, what am i doing right now? what do i want now?

For a starting question, that was many.

Saa, All i can think about now is my incoming Sophomore year in college. It's only weeks apart anyway. Well not really about the studies' part. The 'another-beginning' sense of it. Now i'll be living with my sister now. I feel happy i have a family member with me, but you know, me and my sister, though we're close, we are also like close enemies. No single day without arguments and petty fights. But i guess it couldn't be help. So Jeannine, THINK POSITIVE. Another thing, I'm excited to see my friends once again. My friends who gave me a life. Life i didn't(or still dont) have as the useless, boring, homebound Jeannine, locked away from the 'Average/Normal-Teenagers-should-have-experienced' stuff. Of course, things in my head pop up like crazy, imagining of silly ideas of bumping onto a Prince Charming Gu Jun-pyo or Shouchikubai Miroku or kahit Robi Domingo man lang! --i know, silly and pathetic. Still into daydreaming. But hoping, it would come true, soonerrrr. Limited editions do have expiration dates too you know!


I would like to go anywhere else but here. I am sick of this town. Too slow progress. I'm not meant for this place, or so i think. This town resembles my dislike to the country itself. The very reason I wanna go to some other countries to live anew, to feel another hope, another chance. I don't know why i blame it for things that has to do with me. But still. If you're going to notice my behavior about it, just ZIP IT. This is the only thing i am really absolute about, and nothing, and NO ONE can turn me around.


No one wants to know. The hell you care? The heck i care? Let's mind our own butts. But if i could have 3 wishes, it would be...
1.) World Peace
2.) Get really really rich
3.) be really beautiful(like in-born, not done with money, 'cause if it's work of science, my real image will appear on my child!)


I want to be happy and beautiful. Please make me like that??? Sorry if i feel so uncontented with what God has given me. But... yiiiiie! Cute zombie-girls don't count on my book! I'm just like any other normal human specie asking, "Why can't i be like that?; I wish to look like that."
I wanted to be like a 'Living Statue'(and by 'Statue', i mean perfectly-chiseled features) like a very appreciated masterpiece.



I need a FAIRY GODMOTHER. Yea, like that would happen.


Jeannine totally have issues, yes?

such Short notice,

Now Playing: We Walk by The Ting Tings


Still can't stock this to my noodle!!! I can't see myself with my new do without looking at a mirror! Eeeeee.....this is getting a lil' annoying! In my mind, i still see myself with my old hairdo. But i don't miss my old locks. I feel super duper great with this cut. It felt light! :) Not to mention, tipid sa shampoo at conditioner. :P I also like the feeling that it doesn't brush on my shoulders. :)) Yes! This is the feeling of FREEDOM! I finally escaped the haircut rule! HAHA!
Speaking of hairstyles, i had many of them before and somehow i look a bit different in each style ne? I remember, as i stepped out of David's Salon, i never looked in a mirror while i was in the mall, well except the time i took a picture of me and my mom at Artwork.



















mama and jeannine

i look like mama when she was young, my age, nung uso yung same shades, she had this short hair too. :)) YAY! di ako ampon! hahahahahha! lol. XD


OK, somebody told me, i kinda look like the girl in the Korean version of Hana Yori Dango(Boys over Flowers). Who was that? Geum Jan-di. I did look in the internet for pictures. Then i saw it on TV. ABS-CBN is launching the "Boys over Flowers" show on Monday.














Jeannine: "uhm, pareho kami ng buhok...OK........................*gasp*Gwapo naman nung Tsukasa at Sojiro nila!!!! Shepakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks! I'm so gonna watch that! *giggles*"


Yuhh...pareho nga kami ng hairstyle. Kaya pala, 'hawig' daw. I'm not complaining. :) She's cute in my book. Duh? Koreana e! I didn't have this cut to look Korean, i love Willy Wonka--meaning, i love Johnny Depp! HAHA! Besides, this is the Dora the Explorer-cut i came up with. It's my hair anyway.


Lee Min-Ho.
The guy who plays the Korean version of Domyouji Tsukasa. Another one for my list!!! You can't deny his cuteness in any angle, can you? Waaaa!!! I can do this 'Kya! Kya!' (as what japanese people termed it) non-stop as i watch the show! Hey! If they see me somewhat near to Geum Jan-di, at least give me a cutie alternative of Min-Ho! Then the daydream begins again....
*sigh* so cute... cute guy.... cute love story... :))



















Lee Min-Ho


Now playing: It's All Right Here by Hannah Montana


HEY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT NOW?

I want my own truck. I'm serious.
I want a Toyota Tacoma 4x4 Double Cab in Barcelo Red Metallic!!!






















The 2nd picture is actually a Toyota Tacoma Access Cab but it's pretty the same with the Double Cab. I really like the color. :) It looks laid-back, unfussy yet sporty. Isn't it just lovely? For a girl like me, or what people think of me, they would get confused why i like such vehicle. Well, it just caught me, love at first sight ba? Something like that. :)) But as i said, it's unfussy. That's the way i like it. :)

I like cars like that. I'm not into the latest and most trendy cars, the heck i care about that.
i would like to have a Volkswagen Beetle. I like both the old and new. But of course, we need all techies and convenience, the modern Beetle would be better. But i can see myself driving the old Beetle. Aww, so cute!!! :)















I can also see myself so chic with a Beetle convertible. That's for some city cruisin' (heck i was thinking of cruisin' the city of LA, Boston or Seattle!) :))













nice, isn't it? ;)



Now Playing: Lovers in Japan-Reign of Love by Coldplay






Again with my issue...It's so funny this hairstyle pala isn't that flexible, you know, to change some style. Because i like doing it with my long hair. I can't do ponytails yet, half ponytail yes, then....boom!



i just came up with some curls. yun lang.
HAHA! I look stupid. I know.
Not so flexible, ne?

and for the record, i'm freezing! It's so cold! It was raining since i woke up. XD



Another at Hitomi's list.
Kristen Stewart! I never liked her before. I'm a girl, what do you want from me? Of course that's because of Rob Pattinson. But let's put the down the girl issue, i LIKE Kristen Stewart. I think she's pretty cool, and awesome. She's somehow different from other big celebrities out there. She's plain yet the beauty still comes out :) As what i see from all the hollywood gossips and her interviews, all i can say she's really great. :) and really, beautiful.




























:)




xoxo
hitomi

Today is Write-a-Rubbish-Blog-Post-Day!

Today (which is my friend Isabel's birthday), i woke up 2pm. I slept 5am!!! Don't ask why. I got busy with the house, and myself. So i woke up laughing. WEIRD! All i can remember in my dream was i was with my cousin Mheen laughing over something, really funny but i don't remember what's funny. Then, my sister's gone, as usual, maybe cooked a breakfast meal for me(that i usually eat as my brunch). Like the morning routine of waking up, i stare at the ceilings for minutes, stare at the clock, and talk to myself, get up and get my baby to check my mail and turn some music on just to get a mood for the day.

After listening to 2-5 songs, i left my bedroom and got downstairs. Shocks, i'm alone. Where's Mama? I hate being alone in the house. Not that i'm afraid...well, i'm just scared. (haha! like that made a difference!) So i grabbed some food in the dining room Mama left me and bailed to my bedroom again. I turned the TV on to watch boring TV shows(and missing cable shows in Manila) as i ate my brunch. Mama called, she's at her bestfriend's, taking care of something while my sister's in Manila. Wow. Am i the only person who has nothing to do today?!

I hate the shower, the water's too...Cold (because in here, we're not used to heaters.) Maybe because the weather's fine. A little breezy too. I think it's gonna rain later. Aww man! That would be the worse case scenario! Bored-to-Death + Rainy Day = Pathetic Sadness! --The Three Things at the very top of my Things-I-Never-Want-To-Have List.

I don't really complain, but i still do, I need to give an undivided-attention-for-an-hour to my newly-cut hair!!! Now i believe my sister, she said it's hard to manage a short hair(for someone like me). Aww man! She's darn right! I hate it when she's right. HAHA! My sister knows me well than my parents, and i am the same to her, e duh?! we're like twinned(the funny thing is, i am going to do that she won't do, and she won't do what i will do! :D). Back to the hair issue, i always had a long hair, ever since, SINCE ever! The shortest i can get is shoulder length(which is not so short 'cause i have a long neck!) So it's like, "whatever! i like this hair, it doesn't touch my shoulders!" But i have to comb it and dry it properly. Something new to me, i don't usually do this with my long hair before. :P


Now, back to my baby, facebook-ing, chatting and listening to classical music(for dramatic effect). HAHA! Kidding, i was, and still fond of classical music. Now Palying: Claire de Lune - Debussy. It's very peaceful. Makes me feel at ease. :)

If i didn't finished reading the Twilight saga(books) too fast, i should be doing something right now. Reading! Boredom of summer, i finished reading 8 books already! I was all out of interesting books to read. :( Speaking of Twilight, I'm excited of the New Moon movie! Why? Because there'll be so much about Jacob Black!!! Haha! It's not really about Jacob Black, i love Taylor Lautner(who is playing as Jacob Black)!!! I didn't notice him so cute and hot in the Twilight movie 'cause of the wig. Without it, he's damn cute! And guess what, we're about the same age! :P Haha! And he plays Football, Soccer and Baseball! My perfect jock! Like my crushes were either into baseball, soccer or baseball! We're so meant-to-be! We should be together! (ok, that sounds pathetic.)



















Taylor Lautner (my crush! weee!)


Jacob Black (not so much crush on...haha!)


Though of course, still crushing on Mr. Pattinson. :) He's one of the Most Beautiful People. Tsss, like he isn't one of the most gorgeous and dazzling person on earth! Of course he should be! :))


Isn't he just yummy? HAHA!





Ok, i'll stop daydreaming now...
House chores done. What else to do? Hmmmm....
(X_X)




xoxo
hitomi(bored-to-death)

Can't get over with Mode Mix!!!

Yep. Shiseido Maquillage's Mode Mix. Still not available in the Philippines. So, i find alternatives...like what i always do. HAHA! I went to Shiseido Trinoma, they still have the last version of Maquillage. I love the rich rouge lipsticks! Well, you know Shiseido...expensive. And much more expensive 'cause Japanese product is different from the world wide American product. I have to say i don't really like the American product. Of course, it's not Maquillage, and another thing, i don't like their model. XP

Shiseido Maquillage has hooked up with London-based designer Christopher Kane for its latest Fall 2008 Mode Mix Collection to appeal to the hip and young. The collection features a new eyeshadow duo (Forming Shiny Eyes), blush (Designer Cheek Colors), eyebrow pencil (Soft Brow Liner) and new colors for its famous Lasting Climax Rouge. Shiseido has also hired it model Agyness Deyn, along with 4 Japanese celebrities - Anne Watanabe, Chiaki Kuriyama, Misaki Ito and Yuri Ebihara (who are my idols :D)- to demonstrate the 5 different looks for the collection. My favorites are Romantic Mix and Active Mix. I think it suits me best. I would like Stylish Mix but not for my skin, 'cause that suits fair-complexion women.


:Agyness Deyn for Stylish Mix:
















:Anne Watanabe for Modern Mix:















:Chiaki Kuriyama for Active Mix:















:Misaki Ito for Romantic Mix:















:Yuri Ebihara for Lovely Mix:















Product Info:

14th of April. Start of my "long-ignored" dilemma.

I never felt so terrible like this. Terrible, horrible, i search a thesaurus to find a much heavy word. Grave or dreadful to the extremes might be the words i'm looking for. I hate how it feels, trap inside my chest. As if i am holding my breath. I thought i was just getting carried away from the book i am reading, i got to the sad part. I stopped reading and here, writing my emotions. Reasons for all this, 'cause i cant, talk about this to anyone. I have no one at the moment. And no mouth either. I feel myself in total blank space with such confusing stuff, I myself don't even understand.

I try to talk about it with a friend in YM, i felt confused yet it was funny. He tried to explain things. He has a point, somehow...But he has to admit, he can't blame me.

I try to breathe evenly as i should. I listened to HALE's songs -- songs that make me feel at ease -- and try so hard to calm down and focus on the music. Just thinking the song, well, Champ(HALE's vocalist) is humming for me to get better. He really do have a soothing voice.

Again, again with the screaming, i know it's rude but i pretend to be out of space, i pretend that i was so focused with my earphones that i don't hear anything. Good thing i was doing this while reading.

Remembering stuff i ignored for so long, just to live the way i am, really shoot me straight in the head, and another into my chest. It was hard for me to ignore anymore. I was totally getting engrossed with everything.

Now, i just thought of the right damsel in distress princess who is totally like me.

Rapunzel.

Yes. She's totally the one. My brain is getting everything i should realized years ago. But on second thought, i'm not a damsel in distress! I would prefer 'pathetic'. It's perfectly suited for me. I don't feel pity for myself because i'm getting used to it. And i guess i am totally fine with that. I think i'll just accept such fate.

There's so many things popping in my mind right now. Sentences, phrases, words. My brain is instructing me to write them all down, well, type down rather. I only do such writings with paper and pen when i get bored in class. Well as i was saying, I wanted to type down everything so i could nearly get stress out of my system.

As normal as i would say it, "Nababastos na ang word na 'try' sa post na to. "

Who's the smarty pants that could tell this sadness/problem-free-looking-girl can cry so hard sometimes? Well i am crying without the presence of tears. I dont want to cry in front of people AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I take sunshines ignoring sad times. Now, sad times are overflowing, i forgot to let them out of me. Hitomi, no! Jeannine is now getting a little emo (side comment: YUCK! EWW! GROSS!) -- an emo Jeannine dislikes so much.

Ok i'll stop using an omniscient point. I'm just trying to amuse myself. Anyway, i feel weak. I feel helpless. I feel alone. I feel down. Yet i'm so OK with it. Well, that's what i'm trying to tell myself. GO! HITOMI GO! -- i'm saying to myself, but being careful not to get tears down. I thought, i can be really dramatic at times. Pwede pala akong mag-artista!

I tried to kid myself. But jokes did nothing to me today. I can't even do my usual kulitan with my friends in YM. What i felt was certain, i dont how to make it go away. I tried to sleep early but like i said, my chest hardened, i find it hard to breathe.

Again, things are getting weird. Everything seems to be a complication. I wished to disappear like a bubble in just a darn snap. I dont want what's going on my world. Sounds crazy but i just wanna shout my heart out saying, "I WANT WORLD PEACE!"

The truth is, i need peace. I need silence. I need to see a pure white space.

Back to the ''Rapunzel'' thing, it's the subject that bothers me the most. I dont understand the things they make me understand. I feel and i think i am reasonable enough. But they seem to tell me with those eyes that i cant be responsible enough for myself?! i think it's just greedy. Greedy enough to keep the 'real world' from me. C'mon! I'm thirsty! I'm craving for a life everyone have!



"save me from here. please. never felt such feeling, trapped, tortured. taking my life away from me, leaving me troubled, giving me a reason to frown and hold my breath. CAN I DIE FOR A SEC?"


--that's my current status. EMO much huh?! Again, YUCK.


Words just pop out of nowhere. It's like my hands have minds of their own to type down such words. I need to calm down. I need to hit myself. All my physical, mental and emotional flaws, i try to ignore again. I feel different right now, just sighing and trying so hard to smile to myself like an idiot. I wish to be back to my old self -- Bubbly and hyper when happy; Talk endlessly in 5 different languages when angry; Say "whatever" when sad.

I truly am blessed for stuff that were given to me. And i am very thankful for that. I say thanks every single day. But -- again with the 'but' -- no one can change the fact that my life is really tormented, well you can see it in some way, yes. I guess i am going to get better(in this sitch). I should. Still, I have to live in this life, dont i?

I'll find a reasonable positive look. Well, If there is any....
:)
(good thing you can't see a fake smile in emoticons. it's hard to make a face you know. especially when you don't feel like it.)








xoxo
hitomi